Thursday, October 18, 2012

Illumination

She's very studious. She reads a lot. She has a lot of books. But before she can sensibly read anything she needs something. It is a serene bluish white glow which emanates from the source, easing the mind. Made up of colourful dots. Three colours to be precise. Three colours which are capable of saying so much more.

And her face lights up, as if she were hit by the purest ray of illumination.

It's so much easier to read a book in front of the monitor.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Mapmaker

Limitless Lady, the folds on your skin,
Each contour visible in the evening sunlight,
Drops of sweat glisten between them.
Your salty life is accumulated in the seas:
Lakes, rivers, ponds, are all full of your tears.
Some have dried out, some give life.

As I fly I see your vast terrains
Spread out below;
Whoever dared make a map of all this?
Crawling like ants,
No, more like the most minute germs on your surface,
We see your depth and detail and realize
That no dearth of wonders you have.
Yet we try to reduce, represent
What you might have to show.
Coordinates captured in squares
Stored on paper and in PCs
That which we perhaps do not have
Sufficient space to keep.

Perhaps the best representation of your bounty
Of your rich structure, your imagination,
Is the joy when I feel, when I walk
With my own two feet, along your dusty slopes
Discovering a view around the next corner.

Where are you? Why do I recognize you?
And among the scenes you have in store,
Why do I select certain ones
That I choose to call home?
Maybe you have already given me
The map I seek to make
Stored in layers of recollections,
They have been imprinted, etched,
Repeated countlessly in my mind
As have the lines on your brow been engraved
By the trickling of the sand.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The reason I do not fly

Let us suppose I am a brilliant student with the capabilities to understand a whole lot of complex things and express ideas beautifully. There's something rather trivial I need to share with you.

I started university when I was in school. I was expected to excel in the extra courses I was taking, but I did not. The tutor of one of our courses called me aside and asked me why. Today I have the answer: I did not sit down and work regularly on the course material.

My point at that time: I am capable of understanding this stuff.
My observation: My performance is poor.

I have struggled hard for months because I was under the impression that these two are contradictory. It is beginning to dawn on me that the two statements can be true at the same time!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Grow your own food

I read this on wikihow:

"Get a pet. Pets also provide somebody to talk to. No, it's not weird that you talk to your pet, it's weird if you don't. Just be cautious that your pet doesn't talk back (unless if it is one of the few types of birds that can do so). If so, seek professional help."

 Clicking on madly left and right I ended up on an article titled "How to grow your own food"

or how about "Hug a Stranger"?

The internet is a dense thicket full of surprises. Today it showed me its pretty side.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Longing

How I yearn for the heights beyond. Tonight I beheld a sky filled with stars, plains far and open to the widest dome, lands crawling to the seam of misty hills.
Distance stretched across the fields while I sought closeness of a certain kind,
doomed to live a life of death whilst dreams float free.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

habit death

[...]
"Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action,
Into that haven of freedom, my Father,
Let my country awake."

(From the pen of Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali)

While Rabindranath Tagore used his pen, I would say mine is unfortunately rusting, with a tendency to rust more in the near future without intervention. Settled down in every aspect for now, all ready to take off... where to? What for did I settle down? Future beckons but future is never here. Radios blare sets of songs with the intersection of last week's set with this week's almost equaling the current set. Two cities and a huge number of books at my disposal. A train to Mannheim would take me to an unknown coordinate system, the city in squares, but then my home is up in the hills and I must return there in the evenings. Life at present seems like a balance act between habit and exploration, between the predictable and the spontaneous.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Leave him alone

If he chooses to write, why not.
He only says what he feels, can he say anything more than that? He is a writer, Even if his opinion is based on facts according to his statement, why draw unnecessary attention to the problem?
Some guys feel that he is insane.
Others are glad he is writing in their favour and they thank him for his writing.
Others think he is a threat and disallow him from entering into their country.
Yet others consider taking from him his distinctions.

It is his opinion, nothing more and nothing less. Read him if you wish and stop attacking him out of your own fears. An old Tamil saying (Thirukkural) goes "Of what is heard from whomsoever (whomsoever's mouth), discerning the truth in it, is wisdom/knowledge."

Monday, April 9, 2012

new line

The day I was thirty five, a
new line was found on my cheek.
I'm growing old, I thought.
What is the balance? Have I ever defined any
new lines in society?
Produced something of value? and I started thinking about old stuff but a
new line interrupted me
Time for a
new line of thought, I thought to myself and a
new line, another
new line and yet another
new line appeared on my forehead as I strained my brain.


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Plot digger

With an empty mind and a few pieces of chalk
I was born
I sought not, knew not what it was to seek
Knew not what is mind, nor feeling, nor thought,
Knew naught.
Look here today at this bundle of chemicals
Coursing through my knotted veins every second
Currents cackling through the nested catacombs
I built
Freedom is rare and only to be had
In moments of sheer exhaustion, victory or defeat
The edge of the cliff is the sole retreat
For the corrupted mind
Piles and piles of debris layer my space
Layers of dust, the dirt of decades
The first layer, laid beneath all the rest
I seek.
Lead me on to the base, and lead me beyond
For this is a law and not just a song
You placed my feet on this earth
I breathe.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Agni Sakshi- a film review

A movie made my day today: K. Balachander's "Agni Sakshi", a Tamil movie released in 1982. The theme of the movie is the marriage between a dance/theatre director Aravindan, acted by Sivakumar, and his sensitive wife Kannamma, acted by Saritha.
Owing to terrible violence Kannamma has witnessed in her childhood, she reacts hysterically to any hint of violence against women, young or old, and to any form of violence against children. In addition, she is highly imaginative and gets affected and highly involved in stories, songs and poems. Aravind and she grow close to each other after Kannamma sees a modern interpretation of the story of "Kannagi" which he has directed, and they begin to write letters to each other. The exchange of letters begins on a literary level and goes on to become affectionate. They eventually fall in love with each other and they get married, and Kannamma's parents, fearing that they might spoil her chances of getting married, hide the fact from Aravind that she is mentally ill.
 Kannamma's psychological trauma makes it impossible for her to coexist with the family of her spouse with whom she lives in the initial stage of the marriage. Aravind's family try to initiate a divorce as they did not know before the wedding that Kannamma's mental health was poor, but when Aravind hears that his wife is with child, he resolves not to leave her, and turns into a staunch and extremely kind husband. At the expense of close contact to either spouse's family, Aravind decides to learn to love his wife. The bond between Kannamma and Aravind grows deep throughout the time of her pregnancy. The plot takes a few more turns which readers can view in the movie if they are interested, free on youtube,

http://www.google.de/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCsQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DiVQvYqVABdA&ei=qAZlT92QE5HvsgaP043OBQ&usg=AFQjCNHesVJoD0R0WDMkIRM7V6fKzRVaOQ&sig2=BUzyzHQA4lyxco3DPZ7nyg.

Why did this movie make my day? I'll tell you why, there are two reasons. Firstly, the protagonist Kannamma is somebody I can sympathize with. (This is not to say I am mentally ill, please do not get me wrong.) Kannamma is highly sensitive to all kinds of stories and gets personally involved in them. She gets upset even if just a character from a movie suffers.
In the plot there is a scene in which she goes all the way to an actor's house and appeals to him in anger because in a movie he has acted in, he divorces his wife. The actor (Rajni Kanth) sees her problem immediately and tells her that that was a movie. He calls his wife and presents her before Kannamma, telling her that this is his real wife, and he is living happily with her. Kannamma is pacified.
I'm not trying to say I cannot tell the difference between fiction and real life. However, watching a movie can be a real struggle for me because I get quite involved in the plot and for instance experience anger against the characters while watching it. For this simple reason, I prefer not to watch movies alone. On my own I do not like to initiate watching a movie even with others, and often I find the plot and what happens to the characters emotionally taxing.

What occurs to the mind is that, though this movie is about a person who is psychologically hurt, there is no reason to assume that the majority of real people we see around us are free of such imprints. Each person's mind is such a sensitive place which has been touched by events positive and negative, and can reflect differently on any event that is going on currently. These things are probably well-established facts of psychology, so my writing it here is nothing special. The reason these observations have their place in this review is that for me, the film illustrates vividly the nature of the human psyche, in all its beauty and its fragility.

The second reason I liked the movie is its message. Agni Sakshi is synonymous with the vow of marriage. Literally it means "Fire witness", which is derived from the prevalent Indian ritual of conducting weddings in front of a large fire. Fire here symbolizes something pure and purifying, and is supposed to purge the partners' minds of all doubts and infirmities in the act and process of marriage. I read another informative blog post on these rituals, please look them up:
http://wecognize.blogspot.de/2009/08/understandign-meaning-of-saat-phere.html

Please look up the terms I have written on as well as terms in the article quoted, as I am not an expert on rituals and customs in India. This is only meant to be a rough overview to hint at the cultural relevance of the movie's title.

Now forgetting marriage or any other institution, the striking aspect of the movie is the commitment with which Aravind is portrayed to take care of his wife. Kannamma too gives herself to the hands of her husband, totally and trustingly, and the relation these two share appears really beautiful. This made me ponder for a while on  the concept of commitment. Ideally, commitment must be total. How rare or common, realistic or idealistic  such total commitment is, cannot be seen or proven. The power of such a bond however can be appreciated well just by watching the movie.
Presence of the spouses' families is depicted in contrast as a factor that disturbs the mentally ill patient's health, the bond that a couple shares, and as a factor that can trigger further problems.

The movie illustrates from an entirely secular and objective point of view  the two aspects described above. Allow me to use this opportunity to recommend it to you, and to ask for your comments either on the movie or on the content of this post.




Friday, March 16, 2012

11 Things to do on a Bright Sunny Day

You only have that much enjoyment you can draw from a warm spring day. However sunny, bright and colourful, do not deceive yourself that every time the weather smiles at you, you'll be able to smile back just by going outside. The weather doesn't oblige you to go out! My idea of spending such a day is to protest. Go out only if you really feel like it!

Things to do on a day such as this:
1. Have a good breakfast and tickle the taste buds with something spicy.
2. Eat dal for lunch as it makes you wonderfully sleepy.
3. Spend the morning lazily leafing through old magazines that you may have collected.
4. Laze in the afternoon and chat with people who are around.
5. Listen to the radio.
6. Play some dull computer game.
7. Watch an old black and white movie, and enjoy the simplicity of the plot.
8. Drink steaming mugs of tea flavoured with cardamom, clove and ginger.
9. Wear warming woollen clothes and lounge in bed after drawing the curtains close.
10. Have a nap.
11. As it begins to cool down in the evening, go for a run.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

WISDOM

Never ask a guy for a piece of cake, directly or indirectly.
You will not get it.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's day greeting

There is reason to be grateful.
God, thank you for putting me here, precisely in this place, in this body, with these thoughts.Thank you for the variety of things to eat, do and think about. Thank you for my friends who are there for me at various points of time, for whom I may be there when they want company. Thank you for all the fun and laughter. Often I am assailed by negative thoughts, self-doubts, bouts of jealousy and great insecurity as to what I am worth, what the future will bring and whether I shall succeed in the things I take up. Teach me to look to you at such times and not curse what I have.

Thank you for the steadying instance that is home, where there is kindness even in the routine struggles of everyday life. Please give my mother, my grandmother, my father and my brother all that they need to live well. My cousin in India is somebody I do not know well, but she has good things in her life. Help her to maintain these. Teach me how to nurture a home one day. Please bring love into my life, in my manner, in my sight and in the form of a man. Help me lose the urge to control situations.

Happy Valelntine's Day.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Pointers in C for Carroll

There is this neat analogy to pointers in "Through The Looking Glass":

The name of the song is called Haddock's Eyes
The song's name really is The Aged Aged Man
The song is called Ways And Means
The song is A-Sitting-On-A-Gate

Assume that "The song is called..." means the same thing as "The song's name really is...", and there you have the perfect mnemonic to remember pointers... if you like the stories of Alice.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Braking mad

The other day I woke up from bed feeling fantastic. The sun was shining and instead of being woken by the alarm I had heard a bird's chirping first thing in the morning. I decided to translate the feeling of well-being to the clothes I was going to wear, and noting that it was not too cold a day, pulled out a short skirt and tights.

On wearing these I looked at my reflection and suddenly had an inspiration. Women's clothing can be... interesting, depending on how well it is padded from underneath. So I began to surf the net to learn more, and by chance stumbled upon the following article:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,388668,00.html

This was such a nice and humorous read that I continued combing the internet for similar articles and I eventually came across
http://www.007b.com/why_wear_bras.php

and then: http://kerryg.hubpages.com/hub/Why-I-Go-Bra-Free

This was enough support for me. I removed the constraining piece of clothing and was free. I had started out wanting to find out how to enhance the appearance of those dear little friends, and I found that I wanted to do an experiment.
So I spent a couple of days without a bra. Usually I wear comfortable, non-underwired, non-padded models. I thought my bras were comfortable, but my experiment proved me wrong. Three days of no bra followed by a day of wearing one, as I had been used to it before, showed me that I actually do not need one. The pressure to wear these bits of cloth has been around right since I was in seventh grade and practically all my classmates wore one, to the extent that I used to feel incomplete without one. Thanks to a conversation with a friend about this in the recent past I decided to look into the matter more closely.

To all those reading this, please gain some awareness on the issue and get a solid opinion on it.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Compromise

I caught myself actually being ready to go in for a deal
Not the real shit, but the fake man made stuff
Sitting in the tram, I asked myself how I could have gotten so hopeless
The tram replied
Here is your finite world, here are your dollars
Frame your life within these sentences
And use me solely as a mode of transport, please

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Left alone

Inside
The sides they take
Alongside their lives
Insiders alone know
Inside that
The side they're on
Their side
Is Not Necessarily Right

Could be left alone
If only
Loners to the left
Let them be right

Then inside
They might know
That although
Their side is not right
They're right outside.